Dream as if you'll live forever
by Amon Kashino
Summary: Random idea i had, posting it so i don't lose it. Amy/Ricky later. Rating to change later... maybe.
1. Chapter I: Life

**Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today**

**By: Amon Kashino**

**Chapter I: Life**

**(Ricky's POV)**

The alarm on my night stand goes off. I groan and open my bloodshot eyes as I shut it off, it's five a.m. and I have to get ready for work. But first I have to get John ready for daycare. He's been practically living with me full time since a week after he got home from the hospital. Amy had been reluctant at first, but after the first few times he stayed with me she began to ask me to take him a lot. At first it was tough, I wanted so many times to flake out and not pick him up but I also wanted to be a good father.

I didn't want to turn out like Bob, which was my biggest fear.

Sadly it got harder as Amy found that with me watching John she could have a "normal" life. Her and Ben would go out, dinner, movies, or just hang out. She was so happy that she began to neglect the fact John was her son, and only began to check up on him in the mornings and at night and coming to see him when she felt like it. He was living with me full time and she only watched him when she wasn't busy with Ben.

Her life was perfect; she got the joys of a child without having to do any work.

I was already up and in the shower as my mind still wandered. John was almost six months old now, I had to get another job to pay for everything he and I needed plus the cost of daycare, and I was trying to save money to set aside for other things. I was taking an online class to receive my GED, I had dropped out of high school but no one seemed to notice.

Adrian stopped coming by after the first month. I was too tired to put up with her and spent most of our time together fighting with her.

I was brushing my teeth in the shower as I usually did. It was just quicker this way. I had to drop off John at five forty-five, be at the construction site at six a.m., on my breaks I would study for my online classes. When I got off at two p.m. I would go see John at the daycare for an hour then I was off to the butcher shop for shift from three thirty to eight thirty. Margaret picked John up at five p.m. and I would pick him up from her when I got off work and feed him dinner, study and play with him before putting him to bed. Then I would study some more before taking my classes online and hopefully be in bed by midnight.

I never got my full five hours of sleep though, John would wake up and I would have to take care of him.

I stepped out of the shower and began drying off. I glanced in the mirror. I looked horrible.

I lost a lot of weight and had dark circles under my eyes. I looked worse than usual though. Not that anyone noticed, Margaret did and constantly asked me to get rest and be safe, but no one else did. Ben no longer worked at the butcher shop and Amy never really talked to me when she came to see John or when I dropped him off. I had recently got a gig with a band as a replacement drummer, the money was good but it was through the nights so I normally got no sleep.

We had one last night, I'm milking it for all its worth because once their drummer recovers I'm out. We have two more gigs over the next two days.

Margret watches John on those nights but I pick him up before I go home, I don't like being away from him.

I was running on practically no sleep, caffeine pills and energy drinks.

I was feeding John and drinking a cup of coffee. Glancing at the clock I saw I had to get him to daycare in fifteen minutes. Groaning I stood and made sure I had everything before hauling John, me and his diaper bag to the car.

A few hours later I was sitting on the roof of the building we were working on at the construction site for my lunch break.

Dan a forty something man sat next to me as I drank an energy drink and poured over my GED books.

"That your lunch?" he asked staring at the can in my other hand.

I grunted and nodded not looking away from the text on the pages.

"come on kid you need to eat" he said handing me part of his sandwich, which I took thanking him with a nod.

He sighed "Ricky you're driving yourself into the ground. I know you want what's best for your kid, but if this keeps going your gonna end up dead or hurt. Last week you fell asleep on the job you're lucky I found you and not the foreman."

"I can't help it, I have no help, my fosters can only do so much" I looked up at the sun "I'm doing this for John; I have to be a good father…" I didn't go on I didn't want to get into my fear of ending up like Bob.

Dan shook his head and stood up patting my shoulder "just be careful."

I was playing with John at the daycare trying not to fall asleep. My stomach hurt from the sandwich I got from Dan, it had been awhile since I ate actual food. As John tried to crawl to some blocks I began spacing off.

I thought of Amy, I had been doing that a lot. Not like sudden epiphany _I love you and am doing this for you so we can eventually be together_ type thinking. No I was wondering how she could be so callous about her own son; I know she didn't want him at first. I knew she hated me. And I know she wanted to be a normal high school student, boyfriend, dating, hanging out with friends, etcetera, etcetera.

But she was acting like John was someone else's kid. Who she could see whenever she wanted and not watch unless she felt like it. I was sure her family wasn't much help. George and Anne had their own baby on the way and Ashley seemed to be distant from everyone.

I started coughing bringing myself from my own daydream. Once it subsided I pulled out a tissue and wiped the blood of my hand.

Yeah I know, I should get it checked out. But I don't have the time or money.

**(General POV)**

Margaret knocked on a door. It wasn't long before a slender girl answered the door her boyfriend standing behind her "Ah I'm sorry for coming over unannounced but I need to speak with you Amy."

Amy nodded "come in."

When they made it to the kitchen Margaret gave Ben a look that meant he wasn't needed for the conversation, he turned and went to the living room. The two woman sat at the table, Amy looked nervous she never really talked to Ricky's foster mom before "uh can I get you something to drink?"

Margaret shook her head and looked at the young girl sadly, taking her hands with her own she pleaded to Amy "I came here to ask a favor, beg if I need to…"

Amy looked confused "huh?"

Margaret started crying "you have to help Ricky."

"Ricky!" she said "is there something wrong, did something happen to John?"

"John's fine I'm gonna be watching him tonight" Margaret said, Amy looked huffy as if she was about to comment on Ricky pawning John off but Margaret was still crying "Amy please… Ricky won't listen to me, he's killing himself!"

Amy blinked "what?"

Margaret dabbed her eyes with a tissue "don't you know what he's been doing?"

Amy shook her head, immediately negative thoughts started _'is Ricky cutting himself, or on drugs! Or…'_

Margaret looked at the floor "he quit school" Amy's mouth dropped open, she hadn't noticed that she hadn't seen him in the halls lately "he's working three jobs at the moment and taking care of John."

**(Amy POV)**

Three jobs! What the hell is he thinking? And he dropped out of school! What's going on with him… slowly I realized that I wouldn't know, because I don't talk to him anymore unless I have to.

Ricky's foster mom looked back up at me "he hasn't been eating, just taking caffeine pills and energy drinks. He spends all his free time with John or studying for his GED. He doesn't sleep or get much when he does…"

I felt horrible, reality just caught up with me. John was my son too but Ricky never complained and I took that as a sign he didn't have any troubles. I've been so busy having fun with Ben and my friends I forgot the most important part of my life.

At first I wanted to believe Margaret's worry was just over-protectiveness, but she seemed so torn that there had to be something wrong. I just didn't know how serious.

Or how to handle that.

"I don't know what I can do" I said quietly, my mind still reeling.

"Please Amy" she said looking at me again "he thinks he's doing this just for John, and to be a good father… but you must know, it has to do with you too."

"Me?" I asked.

Margaret nodded "he's trying so hard to make up for getting you pregnant, he's told me you hate him for it and he's trying his best to redeem himself."

Hate him! I don't hate him… I mean I had said it before but I didn't mean it. I was just so angry with him at the time, at myself, my parents, and my life. But I didn't hate him… no not really, of course I wouldn't admit this to anyone but myself… but I still loved him. Just like I loved him at band camp and after, but the shock of pregnancy and his actions forced that love to hide.

I was broken out of my thoughts when Margaret was still rambling "…I know I shouldn't be telling you all this. But he missed so much; he was just as scared as you were if not more."

She was looking down at the table "he was afraid he would turn out like Bob, so he tried to distance himself, he figured Ben would be better than him. But then he came around and realized he wasn't Bob or even like him, and he was so sad he missed out on your pregnancy and it's something he can never get back."

I was slightly confused but it seemed as if Margaret was just venting not even noticing me anymore "He never got a sonogram picture, or to hear Johns heartbeat, or to feel him kick or to be included in the naming process."

I suddenly felt a heavy guilt settle on my heart, I had been the one to keep him from those things. He missed the entire experience because I was scared and so was he. I unconsciously touch my stomach missing the feel of John moving within me; it felt so empty after having a life grow inside of you.

**(Ricky's POV)**

Bunnie no longer worked at the butcher shop, she had retired shortly after John was born. An older man near his late fifties was now the manager, his name was Edward, kind of cynical and mean but that didn't bother me.

I was at work when he yelled from the back "Richard! Phone!" I hated when he called me that but walked back to get it.

He handed me the phone "hello?"

"_Mr. Underwood?"_ came a soft voice.

"Yeah" I said confused.

"_oh sorry this is Rachel from the daycare, I'm sorry to bother you at work but it's five thirty and we are closing up… but John is still here, we haven't been able to reach Margaret."_

My mind went into panic mode but I forced myself to remain calm, the thoughts of what might have happened to Margaret were dark in nature. Swallowing the lump in my throat "uh ok, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"_Ok thank you sir."_

Edward was standing near the doorway "everything ok?"

"My foster mom didn't show up to pick up my son, I'm sorry I have to go" my mind didn't register to call anyone else to go pick him up. I was having trouble thinking straight as it was, especially with my sleep deprivation.

"Yeah, yeah get outta here kid but your gonna make up your missed time got it?" he grouched.

I nodded "yes sir, thank you."

I was going down the road when I began to nod off; shaking myself awake I opened my window to let the wind rush in noisily. I then turned my radio up trying to stay awake, I couldn't fall asleep now or anytime soon, I was about to pick up John and I couldn't endanger him. But my mind began to wander as thoughts of what happened to Margaret flooded me; she had never been late before for anything.

The warm wind made the music blaring turn into a constant buzzing as I was lost in thought, the next thing I know I nodded off.

Snapping my head back up I had just enough time to see I was only out for a second. But that was all it took, I was cutting across the road and into the guardrail.

In a split second the most important events in my life played out.

My first birthday with my foster parents.

The first girl I slept with.

Learning to play the drums.

Meeting Amy at band camp.

Finding out she was pregnant.

John being born.

John giggling at me and smiling so innocently for the first time.

My car lifted and twisted before slamming into the ground and rolling then everything went black.

**(Amy's POV)**

My phone rang loudly startling Margaret and I "sorry" I said looking away from the woman and to the caller id "huh, it's the daycare."

Margaret stood up "oh no! I forgot to pick up John!"

I quickly answered the phone "Hello?"

"_Miss Juergens?"_

I found myself nodding as I spoke "yes, is John ok?"

"_well we called his father half an hour ago but he has yet to show, it's six and we're locked up, but I will stay with John until one of you can come pick him up."_

"Ok I'll be right there!" I said into the phone and hung up "they called Ricky and he hasn't shown up I need to go get John."

**(General POV)**

Margaret nodded "I'll take you…" she had been pulling out her phone to call Ricky when she noticed five missed calls in the last few minutes, then she remembered she put her phone on silence when she was picking up paperwork at the clinic.

Amy went to grab her purse and tell Ben what was going on, the two teens came into the kitchen to see her on the phone.

"Sanjay, please calm down what are you saying?" Margaret's face fell in shock "what do you mean Ricky is in the hospital!"

Amy felt her chest tighten as the words replayed in her head.

**A/N~ still working on my other stories... just very, very, very slowly...**


	2. Chapter II: Starting Over

**Chapter II: Starting Over**

**A/N: Sorry if this is short and/or sloppy. I rushed it because I will be busy for awhile so I wanted to get this posted beforehand. I'll clean it up and maybe lengthen it when I get the time.**

**(General POV)**

Ben had quickly told Margaret that he would get his driver to run Amy and him to get John and then meet her at the hospital, Margaret thanked them and left quickly while still on the phone with Sanjay. Amy had to be led to the car by Ben; she was almost in shock as she sat there quietly trying to wrap her head around the news.

Ben was calling his father to tell him the news and turned to Amy "should you call your parents and tell them?"

Amy just nodded dumbly pulling out her cellphone, her mother picked up on the third ring _"Hello Amy"_ her mother's annoyed voice came _"I'm kind of busy at work, did you need something."_

Amy didn't know the right way to tell her mother about Ricky so it spewed out all at once "Ricky didn't pick up John, I got a phone call from the daycare but Ricky's foster mom was over at the house talking to me and she got a phone call that he's in the hospital."

Anne stayed quiet for a long time then coughed lightly _"Ricky's in the hospital? Slow down what happened!"_

Amy's eyes began to moisten with unshed tears "I don't know… His mom came over to talk to me and said he's been working a lot and hasn't had any sleep, but I don't know what happened yet."

**(Margaret POV)**

I have been through a lot in my life, I started taking in foster kids when I found I couldn't have children of my own, which was a sad experience in of itself. But news of Ricky being in the hospital was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I stood with my husband quietly waiting news on my 'son', ever since I got to the hospital things were a whirlwind of activity. No one seemed to be able to be able to tell me how Ricky was doing, the only thing we knew is that he was in a car accident and was in the TICU.

It wasn't until half an hour later that one of the doctors came out to tell us they were still working on him, he gave us a brief overview of what Ricky's injuries were. He told is he had friction burns from the airbags, lacerations from the glass and twisted metal, a broken left leg and fractured left arm, and head trauma. They were currently checking for internal injuries and keeping him stabilized. He asked a few questions about Ricky's condition recently commenting on the fact he looked to have slight malnutrition and sleep deprivation.

I told him what I could and as he walked away, I fell back into the seat beside me as the tears came heavily. I should have helped him more, I should have been able to talk him out of working so hard, I felt so guilty even though I knew I wasn't at fault.

Amy came about twenty minutes later holding John tearfully; her boyfriend, Ben I believe, had his arm around her trying to comfort her but she didn't seem to notice. It wasn't long before more people began arriving, in the back of my head I was wondering how the news traveled so fast.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Grace Bowman came up to me glancing at my name tag, I guess to make sure she got my name right "I'm sorry to hear about Ricky, Mrs. Shakur, I'll be praying for him."

I nodded numbly as more well-wishers came up offering their support; Sanjay saw I didn't want to talk so he did the talking for me.

**(Adrian POV)**

My heart was heavy as I ran into the waiting room, Ricky and I were in a dry spell right now but I still loved him. We were just taking a break from the constant fighting. But now I regretted it, what if he died? I should have stuck by his side and helped him instead of fighting about sex but I was so stubborn. When I rounded the corner and saw his foster mom crying so much it made it seem so much worse.

I felt the tears prick my eyes, I couldn't lose Ricky, I just couldn't.

Grace spotted me and walked up pulling me into a hug knowingly, her own eyes had unshed tears and as her warm arms encircled me I couldn't hold it any longer and sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's ok let it out Adrian" she said to me rubbing my back "we're all praying for him."

Through my bleary eyes I saw Amy sitting in a chair rocking herself while she held John; she stared into space with a dead look in her eyes.

"Have you heard anything?" I asked grace after I was able to compose myself.

She shook her head "not much I talked to Ricky's foster dad and he said it was a car accident and he's in the TICU right now."

I nodded sadly and Grace produced a tissue from her pocket which I accepted easily.

My father showed up soon afterwards, my mother was away at work, I latched onto him when he arrived "daddy!" I cried pitifully feeling like a little girl.

**(General POV)**

About forty-five minutes later an older doctor came into the room, looking at his clip bored he looked back up "Mr. and Mrs. Shakur?"

Everyone in the room looked up at that, Amy's parents had arrived along with her and Ben's friends. Margaret and Sanjay stood hopefully "yes?"

When they moved closer the doctor smiled slightly "Ricky is out of critical condition, he'll live."

The room all let out a breath of relief, letting smiles grace their saddened faces. The doctor sighed "he's still unconscious but in a few minutes after he's moved into a new room he'll be allowed visitors."

Margaret was crying as she hugged Sanjay tightly "thank god!"

"As soon as he regains consciousness we'll give him a checkup, try to keep the visitors to two or three at a time" he then pulled some papers off his clipboard "I'll need you to fill out some more paperwork, and I'll have a nurse come show you to his room when it's ready."

"Thank you, thank you so much" Sanjay said shaking the man's hand vigorously.

When the doctor was gone, Amy approached Margaret cautiously still hugging John "c-could I… I mean when you go in… John I mean…"

Margaret nodded "you can come in with us, I'm sure Ricky would want his son to see he's ok."

Amy still couldn't smile first everything she learned earlier had just turned her life upside down, and then almost losing Ricky, she was barely keeping it together. She had to see him.

Ashley sat in the corner by her father and mother, the two talked in respite after hearing the good news and held hands. Ashley didn't feel good though, sure she was glad Ricky was ok, but she felt horrible as a friend.

She and Ricky texted each other all the time, but she never checked if he was ok she always thought he would tell her when he was ready if he needed. But then something like this happens and shows you maybe you can't always wait for the other person, sometimes you have to act first.

Everyone was talking quietly amongst themselves when a small nurse probably near her fifties walked into the room and looked around "Underwood?" everyone nodded and the nurse smiled "well I can take three of you to see him at a time."

Margaret practically pulled Sanjay forward as Amy came up next to them "We'll go first and his son, I hope you don't mind."

The nurse looked at the baby slightly surprised but remained smiling "that's fine, follow me."

The walk to his room was quiet and the nurse stopped at the door after opening letting them to go in to be alone with their family.

**(Amy POV)**

I don't know what I was expecting when I was coming in but it wasn't what I saw.

My poor, poor Ricky.

He looked so horrible. His leg was in a cast raised slightly from the bed, it smelled like they just put it on a few minutes ago. His face was bandaged mostly on the left side, as was his head. His left arm was bandaged or in a cast I couldn't tell from where I stood. A sob escaped my throat as I looked at his thin body and dark circles under his right eye, the left was covered.

His face was slightly swollen and he had bandaged on his right arm and he had tubes running out of his body in various places. He looked so small and fragile in that bed.

Tears came to my eyes as I cradled my infant son carefully, the soft beeping of machines seemed to be lulling John to sleep and I was glad he wasn't old enough to understand what was happening.

Margaret and her husband stood at the foot of the bed hugging and talking to Ricky and thanking god, but I… I just felt guilt like none other I had before. I had heard Sanjay talking to my dad and Ruben earlier _"so he's been working that hard?"_ my father had asked.

Sanjay nodded and told them about Ricky's three jobs and how hard he was pushing himself lately _"I just feel like it's partially my fault, I should have tried harder to talk him out of workings so much, but he was so adamant about it I let him continue…"_

They had all talked about the accident and Ruben said he had a friend who had studied the effects of sleep deprivation _"… no it's called __Microsleeps… they occur when a person has a significant sleep deprivation. The brain automatically shuts down, falling into a sleep state for a period that can last 10 to 60 seconds. The person mentally falls asleep no matter what activity he or she is engaged in. Microsleeps are similar to blackouts and a person experiencing them is not consciously aware that they are occurring."_

I had heard more but that part stuck in my head the most; he was so sleep deprived providing for our son that his brain had forced itself to shut down. All I could think of was all the times I spent doing nothing all day with Ben but sitting on the couch watching TV, and sleeping peacefully at night after checking on John.

I walked up to his bed side and carefully put my hand on his as the tears streamed down my face "Ricky… oh Ricky I'm so sorry…"

I didn't notice Margaret nod to Sanjay to leave so I could have a moment with Ricky alone; I swallowed the lump in my throat "I'm such a horrible person. I had no idea what you were going through, and I didn't care enough about anything but what I was going to do for fun with my friends… I just know you must blame me, if I had kept my job and helped you, you wouldn't have worked three jobs…"

I tightened my hand on his "…once your better I'll help more often, I'll be good mother to John… I can't lose you."

**(General POV)**

Everyone visited the sleeping boy and Adrian had refused to leave the boys side and after much debating her father let her stay.

It had been one week now and the doctors had informed them Ricky was in a mild coma induced by the head trauma most likely. Amy came with John every day and apologized and talked to him about all the things she had took for granted. She was taking care of John full time and was realizing how hard it was and she didn't have a job let alone three.

Leo had told the Shakur's he would help with medical expenses or anything else they needed and Ben had offered to take over Ricky's job at the butcher shop to help out Amy and John. Things were rough, John seemed to know Ricky was gone and Amy had trouble getting him to sleep or stop fussing. She often found herself begging for Ricky to wake up and help her, to no avail.

Adrian was at Ricky's side every day after school along with Grace, the blonde Christian prayed for Ricky and Adrian found herself silently doing the same. Ben only came when he was with Amy, hating the fact that Amy was so distraught but feeling guilty about it because of Ricky's current state.

The end of the week came and the nurse had come in to get Adrian to leave because visiting hours were over, only for the girl to ignore her when the boy in the hospital bed coughed and tried to open his eyes "Ricky!" she cried.

The nurse called for the doctor as Ricky was awakening, he coughed again as his eyes adjusted and opened fully. Adrian was holding his hand when the doctor came in, checking his vitals then looking at him "can you hear me?"

Ricky tried to say something but just coughed so he nodded while Adrian began pouring him some water, the doctor smiled "how are you feeling?"

"Like I was run over" he said after taking a drink.

Adrian didn't miss the glances Ricky was sending her way but she couldn't make out what the look he was giving her.

The doctor nodded and pulled out his pen light checking Ricky's eyes then asking him to follow the light "that's very good."

Ricky finally spoke again "Where am I?"

The doctor told him was in the hospital "what's the last thing you remember?"

"I don't know" Ricky said.

The doctor stopped "what do you mean?"

Ricky looked like he was thinking "I can't remember anything… just a dream I had…"

The doctor looked concerned "do you know your name?"

Ricky racked his brain again and Adrian felt tears in her eyes as he shook his head no, she recognized the look he had given her, he didn't know her… at all.


	3. Chapter III: Salvaging Life

**Chapter III: Salvaging Life**

**A/N: Got random inspiration to write this chapter on my laptop while i was out and about. so here you go, hope you like.**

**(Ricky POV)**

The confusion set in ten times worse after I shook my head… what was my name? The girl who had stood next to me had called out Ricky when I woke up. I could remember how to talk, but not how I learned to. I knew about writing and could probably do so, but not how or where I learned it. I knew I could do all sorts of things, simple things, everyday things… but so much more eluded me.

The doctor had left to call my parents… I just wish I knew who they were. The girl who was here before was standing by the window; she seemed to be crying as she talked quietly on the phone.

Who was she? A sister, a friend, a girlfriend? It was all too confusing.

The doctor was taking too long to come back, giving me time to think, and the more I thought the more stressed I became.

When the doctor came back in he had another man with him, and they began to ask questions.

**(General POV)**

Margaret and Sanjay had arrived as quickly as they could after the call, the doctor had stopped them outside Ricky's room though "Mr. and Mrs. Shakur, before you see Ricky… I have some important news."

The pair braced themselves as the doctor sighed "Ricky has awoken and is currently talking with a Neurologist who has dealt with amnesia…"

"Amnesia!" Sanjay said worriedly.

The doctor nodded "so far after a checkup and a few questions from myself and the Neurologist, Ricky seems to have a form of amnesia."

The parents digested the information slowly; the doctor gave them a minute before continuing "so far it seems to be retrograde amnesia… he doesn't remember anything before the accident. To him his entire life started today."

Margaret began to cry as Sanjay stood firm "will he remember us… I mean regain his memories of us?"

Before the doctor could respond a younger man stepped from Ricky's room, the doctor nodded to him and he remained stoic "Mr. and Mrs. Shakur I'm Dr. Dennis Tramo, Neurology Specialist. I specialize mostly in Behavioral Neurology/Dementia, Aphasia, and Memory Disorders. From the preliminary tests and questions, it seems Ricky has retrograde amnesia which is a form of amnesia where someone is unable to recall events that occurred before the development of the amnesia. The term is used to categorize patterns of symptoms, rather than to indicate a particular cause or etiology."

He pushed his glasses up his nose "A person who has suffered this injury will often feel as if the time (1–4 hours) before the injury were a dream. If someone informs the injured person of the events just before the trauma, they will most likely recollect some of the happenings."

The Shakur's remained silent as he continued "The memory loss may just affect specific "classes" of memory. For example, the victim, a concert pianist before, may still remember what a piano is after the onset of retrograde amnesia, but may forget how to play. The relearning rate for often used skills such as typing and math is typically faster than if they had never learned it before. While there is no cure for retrograde amnesia, "jogging" the victim's memory by exposing them to significant articles from their past will speed the rate of recall."

"So, we should try and jog his memory? Show him photos and tell him of his life" Margaret asked through misty eyes.

Dr. Tramo sighed softly "The victim of retrograde amnesia may feel embarrassed or stressed that they no longer remember key people and significant events. Typically the victim may be overwhelmed by the rush of well-wishers who seek to reacquaint themselves. It is important to let the amnesic go at his or her 'own pace,' so they are not overly stressed. Forgotten relations forget that they are effectively meeting the victim for the "first time" and may make the victim uncomfortable through displays of friendship such as kissing or slapping on the back that, while appropriate for longtime relationships, are not appropriate for "first time" meetings."

Dr. Tramo wasn't known for his people skills as he gave them text book definitions and explanations, but the Shakur's took it in stride, opening his clipboard he nodded to himself "it says here Ricky is already seeing a psychiatrist it would probably be best to let him know of this and for Ricky to continue to see him after he has eased back into his life. And for now immediate family should reacquaint themselves slowly."

Amy seemed to materialize out of nowhere "I took a taxi and got here as soon as I heard. Can I see him?"

Margaret looked at her and John "Amy we need to talk first before we go in."

**(Ricky's POV)**

The girl by the window had been asked to leave when I began talking to Dr. Tramo alone. After questioning and relearning my name, I was left alone with my thoughts but I could hear murmurs in the hallway.

The good doctor had told me of my condition and how I got to be here, and had prepped me for meeting my family members… whoever they were.

I don't know how long I was thinking but was brought out of it by a soft woman's voice calling my name "Ricky?"

I looked up seeing a gentle looking, dark skinned woman smiling sadly at me. I wasn't sure who she was or what to say yet so remained quiet.

She looked down for a second then back at me "this is so hard… I guess I should introduce myself" I saw her holding back her tears "my name is Margaret Shakur, your foster mother."

She cautiously placed her hand on mine; I swallowed a lump of frustration that I couldn't remember the emotional woman before me "hello" I said quietly.

I listened as she asked me how I was doing, how I felt and if I remembered anything. After noticing her questions were not helping my mood she showed me a few pictures of her, her husband and I.

Her husband came in and introduced himself as Sanjay my foster father and told Margaret the doctor wanted to talk to them again.

I thought I was going to have time to rest but after they left a young skinny girl with long brown hair entered holding an infant in her arms "Hello Ricky."

I could tell she had been crying and my mind ached with trying to recall her but it was to no avail, she wiped her eyes "your mom and dad told me about you… not remembering…"

She stepped closer to me and looked at the baby "do… do you remember him?"

I thought for a second before shaking my head sadly, and then felt frustrated and guilty as she began crying again.

I felt her free hand take mine "my name is Amy, Amy Juergens…" she squeezed my hand and choked back a sob "this is John Juergens" pausing for a brief second she then added "Underwood. Our son."

My emotions, which were already taking a toll on me, flooded me with a sadness that was new and completely unwelcome "I can't remember my own son…" I whispered.

I didn't notice the tears sliding down my face as I looked at Amy and our son, she was crying too and I didn't know how to react to my emotions or hers.

**(Adrian POV)**

I sighed to myself as I drove back to my house after being asked to leave the hospital for a while, I should have at least tried to talk to Ricky. But now I had to wait until 'immediate family' visited him and he was deemed fit enough to receive friends.

I gripped my steering wheel tightly at the thought that Amy was probably gonna be able to see him because of John. I growled to myself for my stupidity.

Jealousy at a time like this? When Ricky can't even remember me let alone probably Amy… and John. Now I felt depressed again, I needed to talk to someone before I did something stupid like start a fight with Amy next time I saw her.

Flipping open my phone I dialed Grace's number _"Hey Adrian, sorry I couldn't make it to the hospital today. Everything ok there?"_

I sighed "Grace… Ricky woke up…"

"_That's great!"_ she exclaimed _"I'll come over as soon as I can."_

"No there's no point, only immediate family can see him… I got kicked out" I felt the tears I thought were all dried up return "Grace… R-Ricky uh he… he has amnesia."

"_Amnesia!"_ she asked _"how?"_

"I don't know" I said, did she think I was a doctor? "I just learned of it and called and told my dad before they made me leave."

"_Did you want to come over?" _she asked me softly and I kind of did, but I wanted to talk to my dad, besides I was almost home.

"Grace can I maybe come by later?" I asked "I want to talk to my dad first."

"_Sure, I'm here whenever you need me."_

"Thanks, I call you later bye."

"_Bye."_

As I pulled up to my house I saw Ben's driver parked in front of Amy's house, while the sausage prince himself was knocking on her door. I cut off my engine after parking and get out before cutting across my lawn towards the Juergens "She's probably not there" I say making him jump.

He turns and sees me "What do you mean?"

"Ricky woke up" I stated simply and watched the obvious emotions play out across his face before he calmed down.

"So what are you doing home?" he asked.

"Only immediate family can see him" I stated sadly "She goes there every day so I'm sure she's there with John after the call went out that Ricky was awake."

Ben glanced at the driveway noticing Amy's parent's cars were gone, and no one had answered the door since he had been knocking the last couple of minutes before I got there. He looked back at me and I sighed knowing he was going to go to the hospital anyway; I didn't care the more time he was with Amy the less time she would be with Ricky…

Ugh stupid jealousy.

**(Amy POV)**

I didn't know how to categorize all the emotions I was feeling as I cried and held Ricky's hand, I had been told not to overwhelm him with Information. But he had looked so sad after he didn't recognize John I just wanted to make him remember but I knew I couldn't, looking at John nestled in the crook of my arm and back to Ricky I swallowed and pulled my hand back "d-do you want to uh hold him?"

His tear streaked cheeks curved slightly as he tried to smile and nodded slowly, carefully handing him his son I had to choke back yet another sob as I saw him look at our son with the same love he had the first time he held him.

"How old is he?" he asked me still looking at John.

"He'll be six months old in two days" I responded.

Ricky was finally able to smile fully as John cooed softly and tried to grab his finger, and that made me smile. I was so caught up in the moment that I had tried to hug Ricky lopsidedly, I don't know what made me do that, but he had turned at my movement and our lips connected.

I froze in shock, it wasn't a super-mind-blowing-instantly-in-love kind of kiss, it was awkward and I pulled back slowly. I didn't even think to tell him we weren't together; I didn't know if I should… he had so much on his shoulders already.

I then noticed he was blushing, actually blushing. Never thought I would see the day.

Then I realized that was his first kiss… well not technically but the first he could remember.

He smiled up at me shyly "sorry" he murmured and I couldn't help my own blush or shy smile.

It had been over a year since I had kissed him, and all though that was awkward I was glad that it happened. Ben.

Dammit I just had to think of Ben.

I shook my head getting that thought out of there for the moment and grabbed Ricky's hand "its ok."

He shook his head his smile dropping "no it's not… I can't remember anything, it's so frustrating… you and John must be so important to me but I can't remember."

I knew I was being stupid, sure I had always liked Ricky and this might be taking advantage of the situation, but I couldn't stop myself from acting.

I leaned in and kissed him again this time he kissed back, probably hoping it would help him remember but I didn't care. I was just glad he kissed back. When we pulled back I smiled "I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you" he said. I felt slightly guilty not correcting his assumption on our relationship but he was so nice now, it was the Ricky I had always wanted him to be.

I took John back just as the door was opening "Amy" I turned to see Margaret "Ben is here for you."

Crap. Can't let Ricky know about him yet, turning to Ricky I smiled "that's my ride; I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Ok" he said to me and smiled, making me notice he hadn't smirked once since I had been there, he had been smiling truly and that made me smile as I waved goodbye.

Walking out into the hall and toward the waiting room I saw Ben pacing and of course I felt reality set in, I was with Ben not Ricky. I couldn't break up with him, he had been so good to me, and I did like him… just not as much as I had Ricky. Now with Ricky's new attitude I thought there might be a chance for us to be together… but I couldn't hurt Ben, so I wasn't sure what to do.

"Hi Ben" I said catching his attention.

"Amy" he said smiling at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked curiously.

"I heard Ricky was up" he said and left it at that.

I knew why he was really here he was jealous of Ricky, because I had sex and had a kid with the drummer. I just wasn't ready to have sex with Ben, that didn't mean he didn't try. But that left a rift between us when it came to Ricky; he always thought he had to compete with Ricky.

Sadly the thought crossed my mind to have sex with Ben and break up with him, like a consolation prize? I shook my head, there was no way I would do that, besides it might make Ben more attached to me and I was trying to think of ways of breaking it off with him without hurting him.

"Yeah but it's only immediate family that can see him, I took John in already, want to give me a ride?" I asked trying to avoid talk of Ricky for now.

"Sure come on" he said kissing my cheek and taking my hand after grabbing the car seat and diaper bag next to Sanjay who was filling out more papers.

**(General POV)**

Ashley lay on her bed in the garage glaring angrily at her phone, like it was at fault for her seemingly failed friendship with Ricky. Throwing her phone into her pillows she stared up at the ceiling. She had just started high school and had a total of two friends. Griffin and Ricky.

She had only talked to Ricky over the phone, or texted him. She had noticed his absence from school but said nothing to anyone or to the boy himself. His texts and calls became less frequent and she had assumed he would tell her when he was ready and had gone on with her life.

Holding back tears, she rolled over and picked her phone back up.

She wasn't at fault, but it felt like that. She had been close to him. They had stayed up late into the night talking, and he had told her things which he said he didn't even tell his therapist. She flipped her phone open after a few moments and quickly began texting.

I'm Sorry.

She was about to close her phone when it vibrated she almost thought she got a text back but then saw the screen _"Message Not Received."_

A tear escaped her eye but she wiped it quickly when her phone vibrated again, with Amy's name appearing on the screen.

She answered and put it to her ear "yeah?"

She listened as her sister told her Ricky was awake, and Ashley felt her heart lighten. But Amy still sounded somber and Ashley figured it out as Amy explained what was wrong with Ricky making her heart drop to the pit of her stomach.

Ashley pulled the phone from her ear and threw it across the room this time making contact with a wall where the phone broke "Amnesia!" she cried, it was like losing her friend for a second time "he can't remember me…"

She didn't even know why she felt as strongly as she did, at least not yet. She rolled over into the pillows to muffle her cries.


End file.
